Building Resilience When Things go Wrong
We all want to be calm, collected, and composed when our dogs need us most, but sometimes, fear grabs us before we can breathe. This week a game of fetch with Ollie, my daughter’s nervous and sensitive Sheltie, became one of those moments.
It started off as a joyful romp in the woods. Ollie was in his element, zipping down the ravine after a stick like it was his life’s mission. He’d drop it at my feet, eyes bright, barely waiting for the next toss. That’s when things took a turn.
I tossed the stick down the ravine. Ollie tore off after it, scrambling through fallen trees with his usual zest. On his return, I saw his body jerked backward awkwardly. His collar was caught on a branch still connected to a tree. At first, he tried to free himself, smartly backing up in a U-shape. When that failed, panic set in. He began to alligator roll, twisting down the slope, pulling the dead tree with him.
I rushed toward him, speaking gently, despite my racing heart. “Ollie, I got you.” His eyes were wide with fear, and his breath was raspy and strangled, as I broke the branch from the tree. His silky fur was tightly tangled with the branch that pierced through his collar. I tried to unclip the breakaway buckle, but his thick coat made it nearly impossible. It took both of my trembling hands to open his collar. Finally, his breathing eased, but he was still stuck. Slowly, I disentangled the branch and his collar, careful not to jab him with the jagged wood.
As soon as he was free, Ollie bolted up the hill. My gut said he might flee through the woods all the way to my home. It wouldn’t have been the first time he bolted home. With my mind racing, I grabbed the stick and called to him happily. His head turned. I saw an open mouth and curiosity on his face, offering a glimpse of hope. I felt relief that he was considering returning to me. He stood there for a few seconds, contemplating his options, then chose to come back!
The Power of Play
What happened next is why I’m sharing this story.
With a short toss of the stick, I invited him back into play. He responded with only mild hesitation, chasing, fetching, and returning with tail high and eyes bright. This wasn’t just about the stick. This was recovery. For both of us!
Play gave Ollie a way to shake off his fear. It gave me a way to keep the connection alive, even after a moment where fear and panic threatened to unravel it. I was scared. He was scared. But the stick was still a bridge between us.
He waited by my side as I placed his collar back on. We then continued our walk, with me tossing the stick along the way. He was not only okay, his demand barking told me he was happy to continue his favorite game of fetch! And perhaps, so was I. My hands were still trembling, but acting calm for his sake had helped me regulate my breathing as well.
Why Recovery Matters After a Scare
This event reminded me of something essential that I have relied on before- Play is a powerful tool for emotional recovery, for both dogs and humans. After an incident that could have easily ruined Ollie’s trust or created fear around the woods, the collar, or even me, I used play to turn the experience into something safe and even fun. Every dog will face moments of fear or uncertainty, whether it’s a nail trim gone wrong, a dropped item, a misstep on your dogs tail, or an accidental fire alarm when you burn your toast! What matters most is how we respond, and how we help them bounce back.
Play Helped Ollie and Me
- Rebuilt our confidence: Ollie returned to the scene not with fear, but anticipation.
- Regained trust: He chose to come back, engage, and reconnect with me.
- Reinforced his safety: The woods became a playground again, not a threat.
- Healed emotionally: Both of us left the scene feeling calmer and more connected.
Steps for Success with Your Dog
- Use a familiar game to return to a sense of normalcy.
- Keep your tone upbeat and calm, even if you’re shaken.
- Let your dog lead the pace—if they’re willing to engage, that’s a good sign.
- Revisit the scene in a positive context if appropriate.
- Celebrate small wins—a good shake off, a wagging tail, a stick retrieved, an open mouth or demand barking.
Final Thoughts
Resilience isn’t built in perfect conditions for us or our dogs. It doesn’t emerge from calm, controlled environments or flawless training sessions. It’s shaped in the messy, scary, unpredictable moments that catch us off guard. And often, it’s in the playful recovery that our bond with our dogs deepens the most.
So the next time fear strikes or a situation spins out of control, pause. Take a deep breath. Grab a toy. Offer a stick. Laugh, if you can. Kneel down and reach out a hand. In that moment of shared presence, you’re showing your dog (and yourself) how to move forward with grace, patience and humor. And that, more than anything, is the true shape of resilience.